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Gilbert Gabriel Chan

His Ascension is my dissension

I missed mass today, not because I got no mood to go or choose not to but I had to overtime in my camp to push out more vehicles for the upcoming exercise. I am very upset about it that my Warrant didn’t allow me to leave early even I have requested. This is not my first time having OT and can’t go for mass. Sigh, upset about the whole thing.

More annoying part is I didn’t even do anything about the day of Ascension like abstain or refrain from certain things. Feeling so disgrace about myself.

My OC spoke to me today, regarding how is my relationship with my section, and I found out some of them have been complaining about me. Not exactly know what they complained about but all my OC trying to bring the message across to me on leadership. And one thing that struck me most is, sometime we can be the cause of the whole problem but we do not realize if we dun often reflect about our doings. I totally agree with me. Not because I dun reflect or think about things, but I reflect and think about it a lot and at the end of it I chose to make lousy decision just because I simply can’t be bother with people constantly want more welfare and less work. And that’s where leadership comes in to MOTIVATE and INSPIRE them to work. Its so tiring to keep facing them thinking that they are always right and if they do something wrong we have to guide them. Its really life-taking… slowly I realized being a catholic is not easy and being a catholic in the ARMY is even more not easy. Somewhat somehow these ppl are constantly testing u and trying u out.

I just have to continue be humble and suck it up on whats going on and try to make things better. I know YOU will help me.

May... Be

Month of May… Be

Maybe I can be a doctor someday?
Maybe I can be pilot someday?
Maybe I can study my whole life?
Maybe I can be a great musician?
Maybe I can be a good husband?
Maybe I can have abs? hahaha
Maybe I can be the one? (sorry only applicable to girls)

There are so many maybes. Sometime I just dunno what I exactly want. Life has so much choice but sometime we choose not to decide and let it be. Hmmm making decision is a skill. U think u have it? Well everyone has that, its just the matter of whether u make a good decision or a bad one base on what u believe! No doubt we make wrong a bad decision base on what we feel ONLY, and never include your BRAIN. Haha. Well that’s my thought lately.

Eh now that am on MC till Thursday, really trying to do fruitful stuff and of coz at the same time get a good rest. I was surprised that the doctor was so generous to give me so many day MC when TTSH is the last place I hope to visit. Well, looks like my mindset has been changed. Hahaha. The ED, emergency department was very crowded yesterday but I was serve in less than an hour. Very impressed actually, and then comes the nurse to clean my wound… my gosh that was like my worse time of my life. She clean my wound till it look like it’s a fresh new wound! That’s how clean she did, and was so painful. She told me I should have use cotton for my wound cause it will stick. Well, learned my lesson.

Hmmm guess that’s all I will talk today!

MONDAY BLUES

Wow its been a long time i update my blog. haha seriously i got no mood or the time to update my blog, so really sorry for those who are interested to read up about my LIFE (KEPO) hahhaha. but its nice of u to read my thoughts and feeling.

FRIDAAAYYY

Hey hey. haha once again its friday for me again. nothing much happened today. pretty much dull i must say. but still alright. for the past few days it has been really busy for me. the moment i reached home, i'm like about to fall asleep. but i can't, cause i had two PNW practice this week and its preparing for the youth rally this saturday. and guess what! i thought i would need to work on weekend again cause of some issues that couldn't settle in camp. THANK GOD. haha amen.

Supper, didn't eat much cause am quite turn of with some stuff. but in the end am alright with it. after all, some leopard can't change its spot. hmm.. tomorrow is the sec 1 retreat and the youth rally. going to be a long day. going to turn in soon. lets hope i get a good rest. hahaha

great to see u.. =)

Gilbert Gabriel

Life of Praise

Ah, this week is tiring for me, but i definitely learn alot in camp. things that i never thought i will be so involve in planning some upcoming exercise and it just open up my eyes. not only that, through all this i even get to know my friends better and hope i can work well with them. well, that is all the interesting part of my week, but during the week i also screw up some reports that i never do before and i learned from the mistakes, not all but still learning. i'm so so so grateful that my officer is so patience and understanding that its okie that i made the mistake and he even encourage that the report can be improve further. behind the scene i know he must have been pressured from the higher ranking officer. THANK YOU. i know he won't get to see this. haha but i will still thank him.

Everyday on my way home, i dunno why, but i will sure ended up going home alone. not saying that i do have a regular friend to go home with. haha but i felt the emptiness in me. i know He is still standing beside me, but i just feel like there is nothing for me to hold on to! am i really becoming a loner? (always say ppl loner... hahaha) okie i find it funny myself. heh. hmm back to where i was, i starting to feel tired of making decision in the Section. even they off and leave they have to come to me to recommand. i felt the pressure but i know that is something i can handle lah. but there is so many thing need me to decide! wah lao.

took off for tomorrow, which is TODAY. haha friday. going to jog later with val and jeremy and i hope it will turn out good for me. so hard to find someone to hang out. staying at home just makes me go crazy and emo. too much space and time for my mind to go wild. hard to control what i think. i think i really need to sit down and talk to someone... Where are u? i've been searching u for my life...

the funny thing is i can encourage someone to look at life at very postive view but i can't make myself to do so? what wrong with me man. what wrong...

But i still wanna thank U forgiving me this life, a life that i will only live once and i have to do my best. i know U are always looking out for me, i know U will never leave me. somehow somewhat i know U will touch my life through someone. U gave me almost everything i wanted. U have been the greatest friend i have. all the things i have done wrong, U might probably forgive me even i can ask for your forgiveness. U planned my life, it depend on me whether i want to take the path. i pray everyday to ask for your guidance. I wish i can dun sin for one day. but yet U still forgive me. what have i done to deserve U. i can't live WITH or WITHOUT U...

U are the KING OF MAJESTY, for u i WANNA SEE U lifted high all the time. i want to lead a LIFE OF PRAISE, ALL IN ALL? with POWER OF YOUR LOVE u will tell me WHO AM I. U are the only way... ONE WAY and all i want is U, u are MY REDEEMER.

All the promises i made and i broke i seek for your grace and patience.

Hold me and kiss me...

Gilbert Gabriel Chan

Monday blues? Nahhh

Seem like its pretty much a normal day for me. starting to get the hang of using the program in my work well and faster. beside forgetting a few steps. haha. i'm greally grateful for my Sergeant's help. he is the nicest and good looking in our workshop! and so sad he is leaving this february. so fast, thought i can learn more things from him. sigh. but still i'm glad i have still learned things from him.

talking about life, over the weekend, i was thinking how i wish my life has a reset button where i can just restart my life all over again. of coz i will lose everything. that sound sad, but i believe life will definitely change, but not the person. haha if u understand what am saying so far.

well, i do believe life can be restart in someways, depend how u wanna look at it. one of the things and is my resolution is to lose 10kg AGAIN! since my BMT days. everyday will just go jogging in the morning and evening. it just make me feel fit and confidence. somehow i really believe that fitness does boost your confident level. and of coz, who doesn't wanna look better rite? i reall hope this is one thing that i can restart and maintain it. really tough and i wonder how long will i take.

Boomy always tell me this whenever i'm in deep difficulties and troubles. he said things can be really tiring and difficult to overcome, but if i do overcome i will definitely experience alot and even become a better person, giving up is just a way out, not a solution. i do believe him, but sometime i just feel hard to move on. i really wanna be a better person. really want to be Christ-like. not sure if am heading the right direction, i'll just pray hard.

Is love really that powerful?

its tuesday tomorrow! hope u will have a nice day!

Gilbert Gabriel

Manchester United

Saturday, nite of soccer and good food at garden's. haha love the company, love the game and of coz, love the team... Man U. they never fail to entertain me. they played with Aston Villa again. last week was FA cup and this week was EPL. both they won. haha. i had serloin steak and banana spilt! yuummmmmy. haha anyway, i was with les and jeremy, my regular soccer buddies. i wonder when will ppl start joining us. the more the merrier! haha

Well, life seem to be very dull for me. is there something that i should start picking up? i want to learn driving this year, hopefully i will make an effort for it. i think its the best time for it while am still in army. after all now in army is quite slack.

hmmm.. starting to get writer's block. dunno what to write. but feel like talking to someone but no one seem to be free or understand me. sigh. am so lonely..

take care, miss ya

Gilbert Gabriel

Wednesday, Family dinnner...

630 am, my phone rang and its my alarm clock telling me it is time for work. i felt that i didn't really slept well but i was pretty alert. got up, brush my teeth, change and off to work. On the journey to work, i usually will listen to radio Class 95 every morning, just to listen Glenn Ong and the Fly dutchman bringing the latest news and gossips. it does start my day well.

Work today was ok, i was doing alot admin stuff today. faced the com from morning till evening. for the first time in my technician life i didn't break a sweat at all. haha lucky me. i guess that will last for a period of time as others do not relaly know how to use the program. tough tough. now, here comes the most boring part. all of us fall in time so that we can be release on time! guess what, my Warrant Officer wants to talk to us and he did. he took 1 hour to deliver tonnes of information and i honestly can't remember much. half the time in my mind i'm thinking when is he going to stop talking and let us go. he released us at about 630.

at that time i was thinking whether should i meet others to visit angie's grandma's funeral which is in AMK, it is in my area. but i knew i couldn't make it in time at 7 to meet them. so i told my parents i will be joining them for dinner. when i reached AMK station, i saw a bunch of ppl that i think i suppose to meet, wanted to say hi to them, but my parents were already waiting for me somewhere else to pick me up.

dinner... pretty quiet for me cause i was tired but the sight of matthew and gabriel just lighten me up. haha. but something else over the table just changed my mood. my family seem o arrange a holiday over the eve and first day of new year at Johor. i was quite annoyed, because some of us usually hang out during the eve of CNY and i dun wanna miss it. my mum was saying why can't u just spend time with us and she is sure others would like to spend time too. i totally agree! but we usually hang out at midnight and my parents will probably be sleeping. what is there for me to spend time with while they all are sleeping!? of coz i go out. and now putting this whole senario in johor. they will be sleeping and i will be in the room thinking what can i do? i was just upset that even my sister said i should set my priorities right. i mean its not that i am not, but what can i do in Johor in the middle of the nite with no friends? and i even personally make an effort that every wednesday will be family dinner and no other things. no one in the family seem to see it. sigh i'm really trying hard to be a good son, just dunno where to try harder anymore.

Sorry Angie, didn't able to go for your grandma's funeral, i really hope your family are alright. i will be praying for u and your family. stay strong.

Frustrations..........................................

hope u had a good day at work.

Gilbert Gabriel

Sunday Morning

Hello there, once again am here typing my life story. do u interested to hear? haha okie. yesterday was pretty much a boring day for me as am falling sick and got fever. kinda feel irritated. am suppose to go jogging in the morning and then help CYF to do some cleaning of St Francis, but no i didn't able to wake up.

at about 2 plus, call up Gerald about their location and met them at the pool place. when got there, they were playing snooker, 4 of them. haha and they got really hard time trying to pot A BALL in. haha then later i got a pool table to play with willy and rest join in after they finish their game.

after all the games, followed mat to tailor her pants! haha she so cute lah, like dunno what to do and all. like first time shopping. haha. oh well then she followed me to get the crispy seaweed! and we went back to st francis to slack. in there we saw Felicia, JOhanna and her friend(sorry didn't ask for your name! haha) slowly mat falls asleep so as felicia.. then only LATER! i found out Joshua was in the floor sleeping! didn't even notice! bloody blindddd hahaha.

Dinner time! went to Long John Silver with Janna, Janis, Deborah, Felicia, Andrew, Carol, mat, Lynette, Xavier and Keenan. nice bunch and ok food. haha after long talking cock and serious talk, me, keenan and apy went to play lan. when we reached there? i was stunned by how many CYF ppl was there! at least got 15 can. haha u ppl are mad u know, should make lan-ning or CS as part of your life!! its... bad! hahhaa but all had fun lah, so thats a good thing. later me, apy and gabriel stayed on to play DOTA WTF map. haha its damn funny how we torture gabriel and he kept coming to kill me because am the easiest prey. ASSHOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. i will get u back with OmniKnight! guardian angel all the way, see who die first! hahaha. we playd till about 2 plus am. goodness...

home and slept...

Rise and SHine!

didn't feel like waking up, really tired and my nose blocked is really making me drowsy and blur. but i have not go for mass yet.. so forced myself up and took a cab down. mass was rather, interestin and weird for me. i actually didn't wanna receive holy communion, but it my turn to move, i just stood up and walk... only when am closing to the minister then i realised i told myself not to take! but too late. hmmm am i sinning? but i felt the sense of relieve, somehow. haha weird.

Lunchhhhhhh, chicken riceeeeeeeeee haha

with alot of ppl that is going SP open house ON A SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!!! eh its a day of rest. why got school open house on such day?! stupid or wat.. maybe that was wat SP stand for.. hahaha oops. heh.

and now am in church typing my blogggg

and dinner tonight with 40 over ppl. those who had helped out in the con camp of 05 and 06. guess i will update more when i get home.

rest well, love ya

Gilbert Gabriel

FRIDAY

Howieee! its a friday and i hope u are enjoying yourself so far. as for me? things went pretty okie in camp beside some stupid incident that happened to me. haha one of them is when am tightening one of the bolt? so hard that i broke it and the whole thingy stuck inside. so now i have to take out the whole assembly just to remove that stupid broken bolt. haha well good part is am not that one totally responsible about it. my Staff Sergeant was with me. haha so he is consider quite.. unlucky! hahaha.

what makes me look forward for today is the CYF session. not because of the session but the people that i want to see. these people constantly lighten up my day. just looking at them smiling and greeting each other, it just makes me feel like home. and of coz i get to kow other new ppl better which is even better. Thank u for the day, hope yours went well too.

went to Lor5 to eat, tho i lost my appetite, no idea why. but yeaa. haha and i get to catch abit with fiona, keenan and Jerome! nice ppl... nice kids. and then took a cab home with Josceline, Fiona and Gerald. seem like in the cab they are talking about getting jobs and i hope they can get it and gain as much experience as possible.. :-) dun give up!

not making a decision is also a decision. make wisely while u still can.

Love ya pretty...

Gilbert Gabriel

First day at work!

Well well well. first day at work on the brand new year. haha it went pretty ok beside my boss told me that i should left the office with no one taking care of the section and even if there is ppl coming down to work, someone who knows how to use the program to do updates. sigh everyone wanna clear their leaves, so am i. and i was already so tired.. relaly got no strength to work further. was practically stoning on my last day of work. haha. oh well but he was understanding that we want a good long break and just hoping it won't happen again. very nice guy. compare to the bigger boss, work the shit out for him, didn't seem to reward us anything.

tomorrow i got a presentation vetting at Ayer Rajah, and my presentation is not done yet. and am here updating my blog! haha horrible eh.. but i can't seem to focus very well and i dunno what to say anymore. and Somemore i know the officer that is going to vet. he is quite high standard. and wondering what he will say about me.. oh well. not worry. he is a nice guy and hope he will guide me through what i have to say.

it rained again.. kinda like it actually. haha won't be so warm. but there is others who hated rain so much, u know who u are. hahaha. and i felt like playing in the rain! but can't.. starting to cough badly and nose blocked. so tempted to take MC lah. but no, can't be a weakling! i got to be strong. hahaha

school started today! seem like many had a bad day in sch. or maybe they all dreaded to go to school. haha i guess its the bluessss and am sure u guys will sloly adapt to it once again. stay strong ppl! going sch is a fun thing.. compare to working. haha

love ya!!!!

Gilbert Gabriel

Starting work tomorrow!

Last day of my relaxation day, and it fly off so fast. haha well well. went for mass as usual and today it was ok beside some old lady forgot to off her HP and it goes off 3 time. father pause the mass because of the ring. sigh why ppl just do not remember to off or put to silent mode when attending mass. but everything was ok.

now i'm starting to get the picture of why there is so much time i keep saying am so tired and i got no strength to move on. i think i am afraid to move on. i am afraid of the future. and i am afraid of the truth. we always say truth hurts and it really does. guess am not tired. i am just not moving on. hmmm.. life can be simple and yet complicated, i guess that is the beauty of it, depending how we look at life. POsitive or negative? all depend on ourselves.

teach me how to love again? please?

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I waitÖ without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for youÖ
With or without you
With or without you.
I can't live with or without you.
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing else to lose.
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself
and you give,
and you give
And you give yourself away.
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

U2

missing you..

Gilbert Gabriel = )

Soccer matches on the New year

its 4 am, just got back from cally's place again! haha 3 days in the roll that we stayed late at his place. i am sure he is going to be bored of us. but we won't get a chance anymore unless another long weekend again for us to catch soccer matches and stayover. haha. the match today was exciting. Liverpool won but man u drew with newcastle. goals are really nice. and Paul Scholes did it again! well done dude. haha

Before all this things, i went for mass today. was hoping to see someone, but nope, not at all. Mass was good and it was crowded! for the first time the congregation got not enough host. and i was the very last few to receive it. father have to break the host into very small pieces so that all of us get a piece. tho it is small. but i still felt the presence of God. Thank You Jesus for still been here with me after all the things i have done. sigh. i think i am thinking too much that am making my new year seems bad. seriously can anyone teach me how to relax? thought relaxing is easy, apparently not afterall. haha.

Saw Lynette's blog, she sound sad.. somehow dunno why i can sense her saddness too. but hey! stay strong girl. u will be fine. God has plan something for u that will change your life. be not afraid!! k?

Alrighty, will update when i wakes up. or.. end of my day tomorrow.

love you..

Gilbert Gabriel = )

New year, New Life

Hmm just woke up not long ago. feeling so tired but yet dun want to sleep further as i dun want my day to be wasted just by sleeping away! its new year man. got to do something. well thinking of going for mass. not sure if any others is going too.

Stayed over at cally's place for party yesterday! wow many of us just keep playing game non stop. haha. we played genga, uno stacko, snap, murderer, donkey, polar bear and the word game! haha we played till the dawn. stopped at about 730. goodness. never believe that we went that far. the nite and company was good.

new year, new life. where am i heading to? seem like now there is nothing for me to lose or gain, feel quite stagnant. is my life meanless? nah dun think so. just guess that there is too much things in my mind that slowly me to move forward and see whats in front of me. but at the same time, i am fear of whats ahead of me. i'm suree He will show me the way, and i just hope for all the forgiveness. i think i hurt Him too much. sorry..

am i out of the league? a league where everyone seem to be into. should i just stay quiet and wait? or just get out of the game before i get more hurt?

New year resolution, here i come.. with love and faith i believe i can do it again!

i like you...

Gilbert Gabriel

Friday. when u start to see the sun...

Today didn't start that well. this morning couldn't sleep till 10 where the fact i have to be up at 11 and get prepared to catch a movie with others! my gosh. and i woke up at 12. if lester didn't call i would've be still in virtual reality. haha. the moment i stood up from my bed i could not balance myself and i nearly fell down. was totally BLURRED man. second time i got this. guess that i didn't rest properly ah. haha

Saw Curse of the golden flower with les, Janna, Addison, Cally, Koon and Xav. apparently xav woke up at 1 pm. haha. worse than me. the show was okie. pretty much meaningless to me. and i didn't fall asleep! i was amazed i still got the strength to go thru. haha. after which we went to play pool before mass

At mass! i thought i would fall asleep! but i didn't! but i stoned, not much different. haha was trying really hard to listen to father talk. but its was really tough for me. i was busy fighting with the ZZzzz Monster. at the same time there is so many things going thru my mind that i can hardly focus. sigh. why am i so troubled all the time? is there something U want to tell me? hmmm..

Dinner time! and lan again. no life man. haha. Oh but the happening part is that Lynette, Pauline, Amelia and Christabel! they played CS. am amazed how fast they learn. haha proud of u girls! heh.

Oh and Josceline found a job and started today! haha good on u girl, hope u can cope and all. will keep u in my prayer!

home... :-)

Gilbert Gabriel

First Post! haha

Good day my readers!

Well, since this is my first posting, not going to type much as i still dunno what to type. haha
been trying to figure out how to properly edit the whole site of mine. didn't seem quite easy for the first time! haha any it time for me to transfer whatever i hae from my old site to this blog. seem like it is easier to maintain than having your own site. pretty tedious i must say. thats if u compare blog with your own. haha

well today seem to be a dull day to me. woke up late again and then went to met majella to pass her christmas present. she didn't expect my present to be so big and luckily her bag can fit in! haha lucky u girl.. after that i went for mass, its been a long time i get to go for evening mass anytime i want! haha. so many things happen this christmas. good and bad... just dunno where to start from. everything is changing, its no longer the same. no longer the way we thought or we hope to be. all i can do is pray for peace and love within one self.

Faith... is all i need.